No……… I Sent a Drunken Text : (Chapter 37)

The pool and the weeds

Bloody hell, I think my pool is starting to smell, not sure of what. It’s not like poo, yet the air has a stagnant whiff to it. Sod the pool, it needed draining and all the tiles an acid clean, yes it’s not important……… I told myself. I fed the boys and then took them for a walk over the fields to the NCBH; bloody hell, look at all the weeds along my wall…… Sod the weeds I will sort that another day I told myself.

Anger and Gordon’s company

I had been told that with what I was going through, I might randomly have anger inside me, and today I did. We were outside the NCBH, and I actually said out loud, “If you total c*** have my baby, I will make you live to regret the day that you were born.” Then we walked back home, I met TNT, and I started looking at the bloody photos again.

I then messaged Gordon: “You fancy a beer?” “On the way,” he replied. It was a Tuesday afternoon, it was cold, the wind was horrific, yet Gordon and I sat outside drinking beer; I was wearing my super parka coat with a furry hood, and Gordon had his puffer jacket on; we looked kind of cool, LOL.

Too many messages, too much wine

I offloaded to Gordon, and somehow he managed to steer me away from thinking about the body. Gordon then left, and thankfully I had so many messages to reply to, not Facebook as Kerry was still replying to all of them, but from Carol, Irene, Gary, my brother, Claudia, and obviously our Julie. So, my evening was rather eventful as everyone had a different opinion, and it was lovely knowing that I wasn’t alone, yet stupidly I was still on the sauce; I was now drinking wine.

The drunken text

Not sure if I should admit to this, but what comes next is shocking, so the time was 00:23. I am now convinced that the body isn’t George, and I sent this message; yep, I did send it to the NCBH, gulp.

“I am going to report you for puppy farm if you don’t give George back; please call me tomorrow, I will give you the reward, I will then not report you all over the world, just phone me in the morning and say he went to his cage and you have him, trust me if you don’t I will tell the world, if you give him back I don’t care the relief of having him back.”

Oh, it gets worse as at 00:29, I sent this: “Just put him in the cage, text me and I will drive and get him. I will then delete your number and all of your pages and get on with my life.”

Oh dear, and now it gets even worse as I typed at 00:43: “I will spend the rest of my life stopping your puppy farm unless George is home tomorrow; I promise I will dedicate my life to this.”

Regret and Kerry’s call

I often wonder how they never reported me; I am embarrassed to admit to sending that; I can only say that at the time, that is exactly how I was feeling, and because of all the different stories, my mind was in a jumble.

So now it was Wednesday, and when I looked at my phone as I put the kettle on, I didn’t cringe; all I could think was: please, God let them message me.

They did message me back to say that they have thrown my cage in the track, and then they blocked me.

I next called Kerry and said, “Darling, I did something terrible.” We spoke for over an hour, we discussed everything, Kerry then went on to tell me how I am not mad as nothing makes sense, she then said how she had also sent a friend request to the lady that had taken the photo as she had received a message that had thanked her for the chocolates.

Doubt and confusion

So, now I was…… I think looking maybe too deep into things or going mad. Why wouldn’t a caring dog person accept my friend request? Why is everyone saying different things? Why did the two bikers have different stories?

I then started to realise how I don’t think I could ever work for the police, blimey just imagine doing this all the time, listening to conflicting stories. Sometimes I think people just made shit up as they were bored.

Plans with Claudia

Claudia then called and asked to meet so we could walk the dogs, so we planned to meet at 2pm at the river. Claudia and I discussed what I was going to do now, as we both knew that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life walking across the fields, shouting George’s name and whistling.

1: We design a billboard, and we get the biggest posters printed. Oh yes, we go big 3m by 4m, and we put them all up in Coín.

2: We meet every day at 2pm and walk the dogs in different areas.

3: I drain my pool and acid wash it.

4: I begin to repair all the damage that the storms had caused around my property.

Breaking point and Claudia’s hug

Claudia had managed to make me feel positive for the complete walk, then as we approached our cars, I just broke. “Oh Claudia, what the hell am I going to do? I am being serious; I will never ever be the same person again,” I whimpered. Claudia gave me a hug, I was a tad underweight at this point, and as she let go, I could see in her eyes that she was so worried about me, yet she knew there was nothing she could do. The only way that I was going to get over this was to find him.

Guilt and Steve’s comfort

It was such a strange feeling as we both drove off, I knew she was feeling so sad, and I was feeling so guilty that she was feeling so sad. I started again to feel so guilty about everyone. How can everyone keep this up, how can they keep searching, how can Kerry keep up with all the Facebook messages. I needed to try and get some normality back in my life before I lose even one around me.

As I walked in the door and then fed the dogs, I looked at them all looking at me, and I knew that tomorrow I had to begin living again. I needed to do this for everyone’s sake and for the life of my boys. This evening was the first evening that I had turned the TV on, apart from Martyn turning it on to watch the most boring film in the whole world when he was here. I know my Steve was watching it as I drifted off to sleep, you see Steve just loves to watch the TV. Some people say that dogs can’t see the TV if you believe that, then Steve must be one hell of a champion as trust me he loves the TV, and he has 2 favourite films: Godzilla and Avatar.

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